Testing times...

There I was eagerly waiting,
My hands tied, not allowed to do anything
There I was eagerly waiting,
Only to receive spam calls and messages

Thoughts about this and thoughts about that
Not allowing me to do anything but sweat
Counting the days and counting the seconds
Becoming more difficult with every passing second

Anticipation with every message and every call,
Each one more disappointing than the previous one…
Hundred & one things to do, each one more important than the other
But nothing seems to get done, thoughts always lingering back...

Apprehension with every passing second
Confidence rekindling hopes
Have always been proud of my patience
But this is one test I don’t want to endure again…

It’s a binary world!!!

People say “participation is the most important thing” but YOU know what? Winning is the only thing that matters and at the end of the day, participation really doesn’t count…Its either a WIN or its NOTHING…

Today I saw an episode of Indian Idol on Sony, and it made me cry…It was an episode where one of the five contestants had to be “eliminated” from the competition and it was the turn of a guy called Chang…He couldn’t control his tears…I could feel the disappointment in his face…If I felt so much for him I, then I could imagine what he was going through…
There were words of consolation from all around…People saying that he “was the best”…That according to them he “is” the “Indian Idol”…That someone had to be sent out and its sad that it was him…

But how do all these words matter? The fact is that he has lost and there is no second chance…

Its not just about a competition, its about everything that you aspire for in life…Because if you want something real bad then you always go for it at full blast…There is no point in waiting for things to happen...Its your responsibilty to take charge and make it happen...

The only way you can compete well, or work to the best of your potential is by aiming for that elusive first place…Its elusive because there can only be “one first place” and there will be thousands of people competing for it…If you are not aiming for it then you have lost it even before trying…If you are, then how can you be happy with the second place????

Firstly you should realize that without this kind of motivation it’s impossible to achieve whatever you want to achieve, because unless you are aiming to be the best, you will neither have the stamina nor the determination to attain it. You wont care enough to plug all the holes…It will just be one mechanical attempt towards achieving it and only you will know that you haven’t given it your best shot…
Never settle for the second best…if you are "OK" with it, then don’t even bother trying…its just a waste of time…

Remember that its better to fail while trying rather than failing to try…and when you try, make sure its going to be your best shot…but be honest with yourself because as someone said “there is no point in cheating the man in the glass”!!!

It’s a binary world out there. The “ones” are all that matter and for every “zero” you should be in a position to proudly say that there was absolutely nothing more that you could have done to convert it into a “one”…I know that the pain of a failure will be unbearable, but it will be definitely better than carrying the feeling of not giving it a good try for the rest of your life…

Contemplating…

It was dark and it was noisy, but it was not that kind of noise that I am usually accustomed to…Instead of the usual honks I could hear hundreds of different animal sounds…It was half past midnight and all my friends were asleep…I too hit the bed but sleep seems to elude me…

There was no electricity and the only source of light was a lantern placed outside the “tented cottage”!! It was more like an indicator to animals rather than anything else…I decided to go for a stroll…It took me just a few steps to realize how risky this might get…I could hardly see my own outstretched hands and I decided to head back.

Maybe the cushioned chair placed outside the cottage was meant for nocturnal animals like me…It was definitely not sumptuous but had to compete with a couple of centipedes to sit on it…It was cold, pitch dark with the lantern trying its best to provide me the required heat & light…

I close my eyes and try to sleep. Instead of staring at complete darkness, I see a chain of mountains. I turn around wondering where I am and I see peaks everywhere. But the difference was that I could recognize all the peaks behind me but not those ahead of me. These were the ones that I had already trekked and conquered. Each had a different story behind it and each one of them was a source of delectation.

Most of them were not the final destination but only a path to one, but the experience made it more eventful than maybe reaching the final destination. The path showed that it was obviously not well planned nor straight forward but somehow each of them ended with a very good story behind them…Most of them were intentionally conquered while others were purely co-incidental & those were the ones which was most fruitful because you least expected them…

I could see a number of paths which were sketched but not taken. Some of them taken but given up midway. I could see that at every valley I have made decisions sometimes rational while others irrational (as I now see it!!!) but all of them leading to my destination. I could see that as time progressed, the problems and the corresponding solutions were tougher but I was making better decisions based on the extra information available and my past experiences. I have made my choices and I have landed where I am today. I have no way of knowing what might have happened if I had taken other paths, but one thing I am sure of is that it has turned out to be an excellent experience and there are no regrets. To add to it, sometimes I wonder whether the things I was pursuing did actually matter that much? Maybe it mattered then when I was busy sketching the paths to scale those peaks, but now when I think about them I just want to laugh…I have realized that some of those things were actually not what I wanted…

I redo my sketching and choose new paths which I know will make me deviate from where I was heading. But I am happy about it…The change in the roadmap may undo a lot of things that I had done but now it no longer matters because I have a new path, a new mountain to climb and a new destination…

There is excitement and I am looking forward to the new challenge. I am sure I have the ability to shine and conquer this peak which I think will lead me where I rightfully have to be…Maybe this is the final big peak, maybe this is not the final peak but just a prelude to the actual peak, maybe the peak is not what I had thought it might be, but I am sure it will be something that I would love and will lead me to such a place that would be much more than I had imagined or perceived, which makes me think of how close I was in not coming to this place. It was an experience to relish and to relish it, you have to experience it… Like most things, it happened and it happened for good...

When I see the mountain range ahead of me, I have chosen a path which I think will lead me the place that I rightfully belong. The past successes and the debacles have given me the doughty attitude that is needed to take the right step forward and actually look forward in conquering them…

Some of the paths that I had traveled no longer seem relevant and some of them were just a waste of time. But by tackling those paths I have gained immense knowledge which will definitely hold me in good stead…I have immense confidence in my destiny which has until now never let me down. The fact that I have no major regrets surprises me and what surprises me even more is that, this was not only because of the well planned decisions that I had taken but also because of the course that was forced upon me by a number of factors…

I would have continued to contemplate, but for my mobile which beeped twice to indicate that someone was messaging me. Trust Airtel to provide you coverage even in these remote areas!!! It was well past 1.00 AM and the message made me grin because it was a message from a friend who was doing exactly what I was doing, contemplating into the night!!!

Paralanguage...

Couple of days back, my friend was shifting his house and I went there to help him out…At least for moral support if not anything else…;)
As I stood there I could descry a girl in the neighborhood, almost the same age as mine. Somehow I felt I had seen her somewhere…The face cut was not too clear and I did not give it a second thought and carried on with my work…

Later in the afternoon, the girl and her mother came over with some juice for us. Apparently my friend knew them. As soon as I saw her I realized why she looked familiar…She had been a friend during my school days…She was staying very close to my place and we used to play together…I had been to their house couple of times…The last time I had talked to her was nearly eight years back…We started chatting, catching up on all those years…It was kind of weird talking to her, she made it a point never to see my face directly. While I was talking to her looking at her face, she was talking to my foot..:) She successfully, completely avoided eye contact. Talking to her mother was easier…

I don’t understand what gets to people. Why can’t they make eye contact? They sometimes do everything but stop short of looking at your eyes…
Maybe they are afraid that the eye may convey their true feelings, maybe because the eye could reveal much more than what they desire. Maybe its some kind of guilt feeling…Maybe the past experiences has led them to be uncomfortable with the other person…Whatever the reason, it’s really awkward to have a conversation with someone who doesn’t look into your eyes…

It’s not just the eye contact, but also the body language that tells whether the other person is comfortable having a conversation with you. Sometimes it might so happen that he/she might not want to come near you at all. In a group the person might avoid you by making sure that he/she is never beside you or always occupying the seat which is never next to you or always making sure that there is someone in between.
You should take it as a sign when the person walks ahead or behind, but never with you.

Recently I had read an article which suggested that only
7% of info you transmit is in the language you use.
38% How you speak - quality of voice, accent, voice projection, emphasis, expression, pace, volume, pitch etc. and
55% Body language - posture, position, eye contact, facial expression, head and body movements, gestures, touch etc.

That clearly shows where your priority should lie while speaking to someone, because your body can impart eight times as much information…A picture can speak a thousand words, but your eyes can convey everything without even attempting to speak.

Right body language can help you achieve a lot. I use it at office too…It really helps if you walk upright, talk confidently, be jaunty and gregarious while in the company of others and converse as if you know what you are doing. Your image adds a lot of value to what you say. People always respect those who carry themselves as if they know what they are doing because they like to be with confident people even though they might envy them for it. It always helps if you have an affable smile, look confident and seem approachable. The relationships will be better if we show some interest in the other person. Always have genuine interest while listening to the other person, if you are not interested then don’t even talk. If interest shown is genuine, then half the problems get solved.

So next time make sure that your body language is right and always talk what you believe, otherwise your body or your eyes will be giving totally different vibes/views and people know which to believe…

Pursuit of HappYness

It was a blatant, screeching unrelenting noise and I had to stop it immediately. It was ruining the incessant peace…
Then I realized it was just my mobile alarm reminding me that it’s 4.55 AM and its time to get up. I curse my mobile, press the snooze button hard and go back to sleep. The extra 5 min is something that I relish a lot…
In those 5 min, I wonder who in their sane mind would get up this early in the morning for a jog when the alternative is to sleep on your cozy bed with the fan running at full blast…its always the same thoughts, being one of those loony types I normally pick the former choice…

But my mobile never gives up and exactly after 5 min, it starts screaming again…I know I can switch it off and go back to sleep, but that action even though seems the most logical thing to do at that point of time would make me regret, for the rest of the day. So I get up from my bed against all my wishes and say a tearful goodbye to my ever inviting bed…
I wear my running shorts and shoes and head towards the regular park where all the insane people get up this early in the morning to come for a “walk in the park”..:)

But somehow things were different today…It was dark and there were no streetlights…Normally there will be a few vehicles moving around but today there were none…I enter the park and to my surprise there was not a single soul around…I check my watch to reconfirm whether it was really morning…it was inscrutable.

Though nonplussed, I start jogging as if nothing is amiss…After a couple of rounds, things get scarier…There is pin drop silence and my watch is showing 5.30 AM…Usually by now there would have been so much of a crowd that it would have been like driving on congested Bangalore roads…

It was bizarre and things were getting crazier every minute and I was contemplating on returning home…But then at the corner of my eye I could descry a human profile walking a few meters behind me…it was very relieving to see some human at last. From the looks of it I could see that it was a female, whom I was seeing for the first time…I continued jogging, with a sign of relief that I wasn’t alone…Even though she was walking and I was jogging, she was gaining ground and in a matter of few seconds she was right beside me…She looked jaunty, had an extremely beautiful face and her smile was electrifying…She looked right through my eyes and cold shivers ran through my body…The radiant smile forced me to smile back…She looked extremely fit and there was some kind of calmness around her…

I was taken by surprise when she said “HI, good morning”…it is not everyday that strangers wish you…She introduced herself as a goddess…I couldn’t control my laughter, here is a beautiful lady who has gone fully nuts and totally insane…I just wished her back…If she can claim to be a goddess then I am “Jesus”!!! I start running, to escape from her but she leisurely took few steps to come right behind me…Somehow it wasn’t my day and things were getting weirder…

I knew it would be a futile effort to run away…So I asked her what she wanted…She smiled back saying “its not a question of what she needed but what I wanted”…She said she would grant me any wish and that I just had to ask for it…Even though it was really hard to believe what I heard, she had that sweet genuine smile on her face that made it difficult for me to ignore her…Again how does it matter I can just ask and by merely asking I am not going to loose anything…

The next 10 min was spent in explaining all the things that I wanted from life…I went to such an extent that, the order in which they should happen was also specified…she seemed surprised after listening to my monologue…“Is that all?” was all she asked and then I said “No…there is one more thing. I want to be always HAPPY”…She smiled and said…“Now, That’s a tall order. I would have fulfilled all the other wishes in a zippy, but what you asked in the end supersedes everything else. It is a herculean task even for me to make anyone happy…a person can have everything but still may not be happy and so being happy is solely upon you and I can’t do anything about it…”

Now that made sense, roseate that I was I knew I can be happy either way…But I would prefer being happy with all my wishes fulfilled rather than being happy without them…:) I didn’t have to tell anything, she realized what was running in my mind…That smile said it all…

She started saying something, when I heard a huge screeching sound behind me ruining the crucial moment…I just didn’t want this moment to go away, but I knew what was happening and I just signed…“Oh, No…Not again”!!!

On a high!!!

I am in a state of bliss, wonder why?
I am mirthful, wonder why?
I really love my work, wonder why?
I have stopped grumbling, wonder why?
I enjoy every moment, wonder why?
I always have a smile, wonder why?
I have become disciplined, wonder why?
I have this feeling that nothing can go wrong, wonder why?
I feel blessed, wonder why?
I am on a high and I wonder why!!!

I write this and I wonder why? :)

Prose Or Poetry???

Given a choice what do you want to write, prose or poetry?
I have always wanted to write poetry but never have I exceeded more than two lines…Whenever I try to make the lines rhythmic, the essence seems to get lost and if I concentrate on the message/content then it will start to sound more prose than poetry. But I have realized that poetry is not the right way to go for someone who wants to express his/her thoughts without hiding them. (Or is it a case of grapes being sour? ;))

As the saying goes “Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder”, the extent to which a poem can be appreciated depends on the people who can read, understand and relate to them. The impact, significance or its meaning are all dependent on the reader rather than the poet. Even though the poet has his/her own reasons for writing a poem, the interpretation is totally left to the reader. Thus if the same poem is read by 10 people then we will have 11 different interpretations!!! :)

A poem is never straight forward and there is no single meaning to it. Obviously the poet would have written it with particular thoughts in mind, but for a reader it may or may not be the same as the reason for which it’s written. This is the beauty of poems. The poet can hide away his/her thoughts within the lines.
But prose can never be written like that. The thoughts are written in sentences arranged in paragraphs and there is no two meaning to it. The information presented is more pragmatic when compared to poetry. Sentences in paragraphs of prose follow each other, one after the other. The language of prose is straight forward, with less figurative language than poetry.

I have a couple of my friends who write poetry and whenever I read those poems I invariably try to figure out, what made them write such a poem. So, the interpretation is totally influenced by the character of the person. My understanding may never be inline with the poet but still I would be very convinced about my line of thoughts given that the background of the poet and their current state of mind is known beforehand.
When you read a poem written by someone whom you have never met before, then you try to relate to it based on your experience rather then what the poet would have meant!!!

There is a chasm separating prose and poetry.
Poetry is both sensual and cerebral. Poetry can be a great art; prose can express art but is itself merely craft. Thus, in terms of what is being expressed, and in terms of art, poetry can have more value than prose.

He who draws noble delights from sentiments of poetry is a true poet, though he has never written a line in all his life. ~George Sand, 1851
;-)

KP Conquered on debut!!!

Certain things can’t be appreciated until its experienced. I found this to be very true this weekend when I trekked to KumaraParvatha (Western Ghats) more famously known as KP…Standing at 1714m (abt 5700 feet) it’s not only the second tallest peak (the first being Mullyangiri) in Karnataka, but also supposed to be one of the toughest to trek!!! What a debut!!!

For a first timer you couldn’t have asked for more…Not only you are trekking one of the toughest peaks but you really don’t know what to expect!!! But being in the age of “web 2.0” there is nothing you can’t know beforehand…I read a few blogs trying to understand what to expect from a trek like this…But everything that I read came short of the actual experience…It just cannot be put in words even though I am trying to do the same impossible thing here!! ;)
For a guy who usually said no to such things it was a real revelation!!! Thanks to my friend Sunil who arranged everything and providing us with a list of things we would need, we didn’t face any major problem other than of-course climbing the peak..:)
We were 8 of us…An amazing group to hang out with…There was always laughter with jokes/PJs being cracked with amazing frequency…Sometimes it would be so hilarious that u will cry laughing (oxymoron!!!?).

We left on Friday night to Somvarpet on a Rajahamsa and reached there by 6.00 in the morning…After having a hot cup of coffee, we left to our staring point which is about 45 min bus drive from Somvarpet. The forest check post is about couple of km from this point. We had to pass “Hegde mane” and “Mallikarjuna Devasthana” before reaching the check post…We tried getting breakfast at both the places but to no avail…So we decided to have two and a half chapattis per head…We had to ration everything from food to water because there would be no food available anywhere and the pizza delivery guys wouldn’t come!!! Since the luggage was unevenly distributed we had to redistribute everything. Further as there were two tents we took turns carrying them every half an hour…

At around 10.30 we reached the forest check post. The forest officials there were not ready to give us permission as there was some herd of elephants which were apparently going on a rampage in the area and they didn’t want to take any risks. Half an hour of reasoning and convincing them that we were “grown-ups” and “responsible”, we got the required receipts. We had to pay 75 bucks per head and had to declare that we were responsible for our safety!!!

The trek from Somvarpet side to KP is as arduous as it can get…The distance is about 8-10 km but its very steep. The only advantage being there was forest cover throughout. Actually the entire trail is trough forests. The experience was just amazing and we met a couple of streams in between which helped us to replenish our bottles. The first stream had a lot of water and we had to remove our shoes to cross it. The water was freezing cold and it took a lot of time for the numbness to go…There is only one trail, so there is no question of getting lost unless you want to..;) and there are some helpful signboards too…We had to cross a few steep rocky hills to reach the top. We had the same chapattis for lunch but this time we had three of them…The chapattis were too good and we ate it with pickle which tasted like heaven. After a gruelling uphill climb like that, maybe everything would taste good…

We reached the peak at 4.30 P.M and the view from there was worth all the effort…There is a Shiva temple made of rocks at the top of KP which marks the distinction between KP and other peaks around…A lot of people find it very difficult in recognizing the peak and this is the only landmark available to distinguish between the numerous peaks around…

We were one of the first groups to reach the top. After some photo session, we pitched the tent. The experience of pitching the tent and living in it was just amazing…Three of us went down again, along the Subramanya route to get some water while the rest of them collected firewood for the campfire. We were all ready by 5.30 and had a cup of tea!!! One of my friends had bought mobile stove with camphor which could be used to heat the container…Neat, compact and the tea tasted awesome…

The sunset was really beautiful, but the night was even better. We had a very good time with the campfire which was used to cook our dinner too. We had MTR ready to eat and chapattis again…The night was really cold and the wind had started to pick up speed. We spent an hour gazing at the zillion stars above, the milky way and wishing for shooting stars, so that we can wish after watching one!! We could see them at amazing frequency almost one every 15 min…I am sure all of us would have run out of our wishes…

By 11.00 P.M we were too tired to even gaze at the stars and we bundled ourselves inside the sleeping bags and slept in the tent. It was getting very windy and the tent was making a lot of noise. It gave me the feeling as if it was trying to break free…Even though we had firmly tied the tents, the wind speed was too much…I don’t remember whose brain wave was it to tie both the tents together because it was the only saving grace when the first tent blew away at 2.00 A.M in the night…After this I couldn’t sleep for another hour worried that our tent would also get blown away and that we might have to pay Rs14,000 for it!!! As luck would have it I could suddenly see the stars above and I immediately knew that the tent had broken free…It was too cold outside to search alone and hence had to wake up my friend in the other tent to search for it (People in my tent were in deep sleep and the lazy guys wouldn’t get up in spite of my efforts in waking them!!) …Thankfully since the other tent was firmly tied the last time, our tent which was attached to it was lying nearby…We maid it a point to tie extra stones to the tent for safety!!! God only knows what would have happened if both the tents had blown away simultaneously!!!

The sunrise again was amazing!! I got up at 5.30 and started waking others…The view was breathtaking!!! As the sun rose amidst the mountain peaks the mist started to dissipate… It was as if the mountain peaks were being reborn…An awesome view which made the entire trek worth the effort…We packed our bags and tent by 8.00 A.M and started downhill…We had breakfast at the stream where we collected water the previous night…Had cup noodles and it tasted like heaven!! After this we continued towards Kukke Subhramanya!!! The trek down is about 14 Km in this direction and doesn’t have much of forest cover but has amazing viewing points…There is this one place where the wind gets redirected towards you because of a mountain blocking its path…The wind speed here is so much that you feel like you are getting blown away!! It’s very difficult to maintain balance and get rooted to the ground!!!

By 12.30 P.M we reached “Bhattara Mane”…It’s the only house that you will see throughout the entire trek…Its exactly midway between KP and Subramanya…We had lunch there and he has a unique system of charging people. He charges 30 bucks per head and that excludes the packet of rice that we give him…Apparently its very difficult for him to get rice so people who want to have lunch at his place needs to carry sufficient rice with them…We had carried 2 Kgs of rice for this purpose…The food was awesome and all of us ate like gluttons…We were all so tired and hungry that anything would have tasted good then…:)

After some well deserved rest we continued towards Subramanya at around 2.00 P.M…On our way back we took frequent breaks to reach our “Final Destination” at 5.00 P.M. On reaching kukke we hogged ice creams and milkshakes. The thought of having ice creams on reaching Kukke was what was motivating us to carry on…

We took a room in a nearby hotel, had a cold water bath and visited the Subhramanya temple there…After having a heavy dinner we left in our very own KSRTC Rajahamsa bus to reach for Bangalore @ 6.00 A.M the next day…

The entire trip was well planned and executed with absolutely no problems faced. Had a great time and looking forward to more…But, right now trying the enjoy the pain prevailing all over the body…:)

Thoughts in a real train :)

Despite the sempiternal traffic jams, I was at the railway station much before the scheduled departure. Even though there was excessive demand for tickets, there were not many people in the train and there were none in my coupe…I had to use a lot of influence to get this ticket. One of my uncles had secured it as part of some emergency quota… Everything can be put as emergency…He not only confirmed my ticket but also made sure I get free dinner, pillows and bedsheets!!! I was treated like a king… That’s the advantage of knowing someone in railways!!!

As I sat alone in my coupe, one thing that I could recollect was the introductory chapter in Chetan Bhagat’s latest fiction, One Night @ call centre…I was wondering whether something like that might happen tonight…:) And maybe I could write a story on it someday…But alas nothing of that sort happened…
It was an extra coach and the list of names was not yet published and there was no way I could have known my companions. Traveling alone in a train for 12 hours was not something I was looking forward to considering the fact that I had brought nothing to read…

My curiosity was killing me until a group of army men came along with their arms and ammunition!! I am not kidding, they actually had rifles and machine guns with them…I was wondering what they were upto…After some initial introductions I managed to start a conversation with them…Since they spoke only hindi I was finding it extremely difficult to talk but I felt they were finding it even more difficult to comprehend..:)
They were apparently going for some training camp and as a result they had to carry all the accessories with them…While I was thoroughly excited holding the machine guns and examining them, they were even more excited about holding my laptop…They were very keen to know what I did with a laptop & to my surprise I found it very difficult to explain why I needed one..:) Anyway after some initial exploration they wanted to know what a software engineer actually does? They were interested about my company, work, salary etc… It was fun explaining them why we get paid so much for the kind of work that we do…

Since we were already 8 of us in the coupe I wasn’t expecting any more people. But to my horror 5 more guys boarded in the last minute. All of them were college students going to Delhi for vacation. Most of them I believe had completed their 7^th sem exams and had been placed through campus. After these people arrived I settled in my upper berth because I no longer could converse with them at their pace. Just imagine about 12 people talking continuously in hindi and you sitting on top trying to make some sense of the conversation below…That’s exactly what I was going through!!!

The first group was busy cribbing about the generals treating them like “kutthes” (dogs) for peanuts, while the second group cribbing about the HODs, lecturers and how they were bent upon sucking their blood…Since I could relate to the latter I focused my attention to their puerile episodes. Each one of them had their own set of stories to narrate and all of them were just hilarious. From how they got bashed by the HOD to how they managed to finish the exams…
There were these usual stories of copying, getting caught, hostel masala which I think has to be censored from here..:) Some of them were so farfetched it was really difficult to believe something like that could have happened...There was this guy who actually boasted about bribing his lecturer for passing him in practicals…He was apparently thrown out of the room…All these reminded me as to how much “seeda sada” I was…If you ask me to talk about my college life, I wouldn’t have much to narrate except for how regularly I used to attend college…:) (6^th sem being an exception!!!)

The noisy banter continued through the night, but I had dozed off without me realizing it…The next morning I was surprised to see 2 people sleeping in each berth with even the passage way not being spared!!! The remarkably capacious coupe had become totally cramped. I bet these things happen only in the Indian Railways!!!

The child within us…

As we surge through our hectic days, many of us are so busy being "adults" by addressing our responsibilities and obligations that we forget there is still a part of us that is essential to our well-being and happiness....the child within us.

The other day my parents had been to one of our relative’s house and the kid there was celebrating her third birthday. Since they hadn’t taken any presents, my dad gave her two 100 rupee notes to buy something for herself… To their surprise she returned one of the notes saying she was happy with only one…After she was cajoled to take both of them, she gave one each to her dad and mom…It was a simple innocent gesture from her, but tells a lot about how the mind of a child works…
I kept wondering when was the last time I had done something like that. When I couldn’t recollect any such incident I realized that I had truly grown up!!! (And for the first time I wasn’t really happy being a grown-up and the responsible guy, as the society sees it :))

As we grow older the child within us diminishes…The innocence and spontaneity is lost. Our perceptions change. The way we judge people change…We start using different scales for classifying people…Its something that happens over a period of time…Every experience will teach us to be much harder so that we can survive in this society full of “adults”!!! I remember an incident during my childhood, I was profusely crying for something and when no consolation from my parents worked they told me that I was crying like a girl…That single statement made such an impact that it made me determined not to cry unless I cant handle it any further…I try as hard as I can to avoid crying in the company of others…It is manifested even while watching movies…Unless I am alone I don’t cry irrespective of how emotional the movie is…

As “adults”, every time we do something we think hundred times whether it’s an appropriate thing to do both in our opinion and most importantly in the opinion of others…
The perception and the way of thinking are so much different. From having no expectations, to having minimal, we graduate with having expectations from everything. From self expectations to expectations from parents, relatives and friends. Even God is not spared!!! The degree of expectation is something which gets constantly revised based on how much or how far the other person meets it…

Why do we have expectation in the first place which we know ultimately lead to more harm than good? Wouldn’t it be simpler if we carry on with our chores and continue doing whatever seems best for us without expecting anything in return? Why do we feel betrayed when certain things doesn’t turn out the way we want / when someone doesn’t live upto “our” expectations?
Why cant we just maintain some kind of minimum watermark, anything beyond which is a bonus…As usual it’s a theoretical solution, with practical limitations…:). But what is life without expectations and rewards? All it has done is raise the stakes a little higher…Maybe its better to tackle them head on instead of running away from them…

When you cease to dream, you cease to live. And when you dream there are always expectations. As long as there are expectations there will be shortfalls, which in turn might cause misery. A vicious cycle that cannot be avoided and maybe must not be avoided, but instead use it to our advantage.
Defeat is not when you fall down, but when you refuse to get up!!!

I should add that in all this hangama you forget that there is a “child within us” who could be very happy with the smallest of things or should I say with almost anything…