Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Contemplating…

It was dark and it was noisy, but it was not that kind of noise that I am usually accustomed to…Instead of the usual honks I could hear hundreds of different animal sounds…It was half past midnight and all my friends were asleep…I too hit the bed but sleep seems to elude me…

There was no electricity and the only source of light was a lantern placed outside the “tented cottage”!! It was more like an indicator to animals rather than anything else…I decided to go for a stroll…It took me just a few steps to realize how risky this might get…I could hardly see my own outstretched hands and I decided to head back.

Maybe the cushioned chair placed outside the cottage was meant for nocturnal animals like me…It was definitely not sumptuous but had to compete with a couple of centipedes to sit on it…It was cold, pitch dark with the lantern trying its best to provide me the required heat & light…

I close my eyes and try to sleep. Instead of staring at complete darkness, I see a chain of mountains. I turn around wondering where I am and I see peaks everywhere. But the difference was that I could recognize all the peaks behind me but not those ahead of me. These were the ones that I had already trekked and conquered. Each had a different story behind it and each one of them was a source of delectation.


Most of them were not the final destination but only a path to one, but the experience made it more eventful than maybe reaching the final destination. The path showed that it was obviously not well planned nor straight forward but somehow each of them ended with a very good story behind them…Most of them were intentionally conquered while others were purely co-incidental & those were the ones which was most fruitful because you least expected them…

I could see a number of paths which were sketched but not taken. Some of them taken but given up midway. I could see that at every valley I have made decisions sometimes rational while others irrational (as I now see it!!!) but all of them leading to my destination. I could see that as time progressed, the problems and the corresponding solutions were tougher but I was making better decisions based on the extra information available and my past experiences. I have made my choices and I have landed where I am today. I have no way of knowing what might have happened if I had taken other paths, but one thing I am sure of is that it has turned out to be an excellent experience and there are no regrets. To add to it, sometimes I wonder whether the things I was pursuing did actually matter that much? Maybe it mattered then when I was busy sketching the paths to scale those peaks, but now when I think about them I just want to laugh…I have realized that some of those things were actually not what I wanted…


I redo my sketching and choose new paths which I know will make me deviate from where I was heading. But I am happy about it…The change in the roadmap may undo a lot of things that I had done but now it no longer matters because I have a new path, a new mountain to climb and a new destination…

There is excitement and I am looking forward to the new challenge. I am sure I have the ability to shine and conquer this peak which I think will lead me where I rightfully have to be…Maybe this is the final big peak, maybe this is not the final peak but just a prelude to the actual peak, maybe the peak is not what I had thought it might be, but I am sure it will be something that I would love and will lead me to such a place that would be much more than I had imagined or perceived, which makes me think of how close I was in not coming to this place. It was an experience to relish and to relish it, you have to experience it… Like most things, it happened and it happened for good...


When I see the mountain range ahead of me, I have chosen a path which I think will lead me the place that I rightfully belong. The past successes and the debacles have given me the doughty attitude that is needed to take the right step forward and actually look forward in conquering them…

Some of the paths that I had traveled no longer seem relevant and some of them were just a waste of time. But by tackling those paths I have gained immense knowledge which will definitely hold me in good stead…I have immense confidence in my destiny which has until now never let me down. The fact that I have no major regrets surprises me and what surprises me even more is that, this was not only because of the well planned decisions that I had taken but also because of the course that was forced upon me by a number of factors…

I would have continued to contemplate, but for my mobile which beeped twice to indicate that someone was messaging me. Trust Airtel to provide you coverage even in these remote areas!!! It was well past 1.00 AM and the message made me grin because it was a message from a friend who was doing exactly what I was doing, contemplating into the night!!!

6 comments:

Me said...

"The fact that I have no major regrets surprises me"... it surprises me too coz i have many... ;)

Sunil said...

that night, i sat outside till 2:00 AM... gazing into the woods, the shining stars amidst the trees (The Fireflies !!)... contemplating... My actions, my kaalu daari (Road map)...
i was halfway through the post when i realized you were talking metaphorically!! I was almost at the peak of KP then...!!
Well written !!

Rajesh said...

Pardon my analytic bend, but "I have realized that some of those things were actually not what I wanted" could mean couple of very different things.

1. Given my new knowledge about what I want, the old things I did wouldnt take me where I want to be.

The problem with this is that it is hard to determine what you really want now, let alone extrapolating it into the future. Had you been successful in one of those things, maybe you'd have thought those were the exact things you wanted!

2. You really wanted them at that point in time, but now you are in denial (in freudian sense) to reduce the stress it would otherwise cause you.

Karthik said...

@rajesh,

I dont see a problem in either of them. Its good to be thinking in atleast one of the 2 ways, BUT if you are thinking both, even better.. After all "Everything happens for good" :).

@dilip,

Good post maga... I am sure you would have probably replied in a similar manner. Anyway, i stole ur chance ;).

dilip said...

@karthik

I wouldn't have answered differently...:)

@all

One of my good friends had forwarded this:

Every single aspect of this world is moulded to shape by individual imaginations. The way I see this world depends on my imaginations and the way you see depends on your imaginations

Thats all i can say...:)

Sagar said...

Hey Dilip,

May sound a bit of a paradox, but what you have written is both serious and interesting at the same time. True signs of a maturing blogger. Particularly liked the way you built the tempo along the lines of a trek (my initial thoughts, "is it KP or is it BRH?"), and then smoothly turned it into a metaphor. The usage of tense though(in the initial paragraphs), seemed a bit tensed to me.

Agree with the philosophy of one's experience moulding one's world. And no one's experience is better than anyone else's. If everyone cried 'sour grapes' at another's experience, all of us will be as difficult to tell apart as one grape is from another. :) Our experiences are what make us unique, and cherishing them is what makes the means as pleasurable as the end.

Cheers,